No Matter What
by hello.dalek98
Summary: Post Doomsday, slight AU of season three. Yes, there is 10/Rose, a depressed Doctor taking a downward spiral to his darker side. After Rose was taken from him the Doctor travels with Martha Jones, but something isn't right and how much can one man lose before it destroys him?
1. Chapter 1

**_So I'm Back! And yes I'm an evil person; it's been said before. :D Anyway, this slightly AU on the beginning of season 3, which means post Doomsday. Jumps around a bit at first as a set-up; then things really spiral out of control. :D So, episodes referenced and used; first off Gridlock and then Daleks in Manhattan and Evolution of the Daleks! _**

To say that Martha Jones was concerned would have been a monumental understatement. The past day had been one of the hardest in her life, kidnapped, trapped in a car being attacked by unknown creatures, and relying entirely on a man who she knew almost nothing about to save her; she had been terrified, now she was frightened again, this time for the Doctor.

The Doctor saved her, but she wondered what it had cost him; certainly, he lost a friend, but she sensed it was something more than that. There was a heaviness in his voice and a stiffness in his movement that hadn't been there before. Now, as he spoke of his lost home, of the war that cost him his people, of the choices he was forced to make, Martha finally understood what Shakespeare had meant about 'A man so young having eyes so old'. His eyes were old; filled with pain and exhaustion and the weight of so many years; so much loss slowly crushing him.

"So, Martha Jones!" the Doctor's voice startled her out of her contemplation. "One more trip, eh? I don't think this one really counts." He attempted a smile, but it didn't quite reach his eyes. He got to his feet, slightly unsteadily Martha noted, "Allons-y, Martha Jones!"

She followed him, because he was the Doctor, and though she may not know him well, she trusted him.

* * *

The Doctor was exhausted. Before going to New New York he was already feeling the effects of being attacked by a psychotic Plasmavore and a desperate Carrionite; add jumping through dozens of traffic layers in choking fumes and the Doctor feared he was fighting a losing battle with his own strength.

He should take Martha home before he failed completely and gave into his exhaustion; he shouldn't risk her safety, but he could not bear the thought of being alone with his overwhelming guilt and pain.

_"You are not alone,"_ the Face of Boe's last words haunted him. One more pointless death, one more innocent sacrificed because he could not save them. _"You are not alone," _those words should have given him hope; instead the reminded him of everything he had lost. Rose would know what to do; what to say, Martha was clever, she was kind, but she wasn't Rose.

_"You are not alone," _but he **was **alone, he was so alone.

"Doctor?" he looked up to find Martha watching him with an expression he recognized a professional concern. "I never asked, how did you find me?"

The Doctor forced himself to smile. "Cat with a teleport, teleporting cat nun-" he broke off in relief as the Tardis touched down with its usual wheeze. Once Martha saw the skyline of New York, the _old_ New York, stretching away outside the Tardis doors she evidently forgot she had been about to cross examine him.

The Doctor stifled a cough as he followed Martha out the Tardis doors and tried to ignore the growing pressure in his chest that was making it increasingly harder to draw breath.

* * *

It was freezing cold atop the Empire State building. The Doctor shivered, his coat flapping around him ineffectually; the frigid air was not making it any easier for him to breath. He forced his numb fingers to work, wrapping them around the sonic screwdriver as he fought to detach the Dalekanium.

There wasn't enough time; he could feel electricity gathering as the storm blew in and lightning flashed across the dark, scudding clouds. The first piece of Dalekanium came free with a jerk and he pushed it away. Thunder crashed across the sky; the consequence of a major atmospheric disturbance. _Too soon, too soon! Please! There are so many; please, let me save them!_

As if in mockery of his desperate plea the wind picked up in velocity, gusting fiercely around him. He shuddered, the cold was intense; even for a Time Lord, and the sonic screwdriver dropped from his numb fingers. He lunged after it; too slow, and heard it clatter to a halt somewhere far below.

The Doctor pulled desperately at the remaining Dalekanium; the freezing metal tearing at his hands...

10...9...8...

Not enough time...

7...6...5...

One chance, one last plan, he scrambled up the mast, clinging desperately to the swaying spire...

4...3...2...

_I'm sorry, Martha, I'm so sorry; I trapped you here..._

1

Agony tore through him and he gritted his teeth to hold back a scream. _Just a few more seconds..._but he lost his grip and the world faded around him as he fell.

_...__To be continued..._

_**Opps, sorry, kinda had to end it there. Please don't kill me?**_

_**By the way, I don't own Doctor Who, just borrowing, although I can't promise to return the characters in their original condition. MUAHAHA**_


	2. Chapter 2

_**Here I am again with another chapter as promised. I just realized I should probably add a disclaimer; I'm not Russell T. Davies or Stephen Moffat although I have been reliably informed I could easily be mistaken for his apprentice. Anyway, on with the story, enjoy and please leave me a review if you have time. Reviews are cool!**_

"Doctor!" Martha dropped to her knees beside the crumpled figure; silently thanking whatever power existed in the universe that he had not fallen further. "Look what I found halfway down...you're getting careless Doctor." She pulled out the sonic screwdriver hooping desperately that the Doctor would bounce smiling and insisting he was fine.

"Doctor!" She shook him a little more roughly than she intended. He groaned opened his eyes blearily and immediately shut them again with a grimace of pain.

"Ow...my head!" he blinked at her uncomprehendingly for a few seconds before he seemed to realize who she was. For a moment she thought his expression was one of disappointment; then it was gone. "So, you survived then."

Martha smiled in utter relief. "So did you, just about." Then she gave him a look that stated more clearly than words; _I'm a doctor too, almost, and you were unconscious so don't think for a second that I am letting this go, mister._

The Doctor grinned, obviously receiving the message loud and clear.

"Doctor..." Martha felt a wave of panic as she saw the strange, lumpy metal still attached to the mast. "I can't help but notice...there's still Dalekanium attached!" The Doctor was on his feet in an instant; grabbing her hand and pulling her towards the ladder.

"Come on!"

* * *

"Do you think they'll be alright?" Martha's voice pulled the Doctor's wandering mind back to the present.

"Pig and a showgirl? Anywhere else and I'd be worried about them, but this New York." The Doctor rubbed a tired hand across his face, suddenly wanting nothing more than to get back to his Tardis and sleep for a hundred years, or possibly have a good cup of tea-tea was good, tannins, just what he needed. Rose had always made great tea whenever they both tired and ready to put their aching feet up and relax. Rose wasn't there now; every time he realized that it was like a punch in the gut; winding him and making his eyes sting and water.

"Doctor?" Martha was giving him that look again; she becoming quite an expert with it. "You told the Daleks the Gamma burst went through you first; what did you mean?"

"Oh? Did I?" the glare she gave him clearly stated that she wasn't going to fall for feigned innocence either.

"You know you did." She sat down on the park bench and crossed her arms. "And since it worked so well last time I'm not going anywhere until you explain."

The Doctor sighed and sat down beside her trying to find a position that didn't cause his aching body any additional discomfort. He finally settled for perching uncomfortably on the edge.

"Well?" Martha asked, her eyes challenging, daring him to lie or tell her anything but the whole truth.

"Well...I was between the Gamma burst and the Dalekanium when it struck, triggering a reaction in the Dalek's biological code when it was transfered to the humans thereby creating a reversed feed-back loop in the auditory..."

"You're telling me you were struck by lightning!"

_...To be Continued..._

**_Bye for now, please review!_**


	3. Chapter 3

_**Hi! Sorry I haven't updated sooner; I'm a very lazy person and will only update on weekends or school holidays. Anyway, here is another chapter, please review! *Leaves cookies :D Yes, I'm bribing you!  
**_

_**Disclaimer; I'm not Steven Moffat, but apparently I am a Dalek ;) I don't own Doctor Who**_

"Well...technically it was a condensed burst of gamma radiation...but the effect is essentially the same."

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

Martha was upset; that was obvious, but really shouting was a bit of an overreaction, it wasn't as if he'd died. The Doctor preferred not to think about how close he had actually come to dying. If he had died what would have happened to Martha? Would she simply have been trapped in the past or would the Daleks...but it hadn't happened; that was the important thing to remember.

Martha was safe; Martha was still sitting beside him, not like Rose, Rose who had been swept away by the universe with him powerless to help.

The Doctor sighed and got to his feet. "Come on Martha Jones, it's time for me to take you home."

* * *

Martha wasn't sure what to do. The Doctor seemed fine, he was certainly thinking clearly enough to remember he was taking her home, but she was still worried. Maybe she had imagined the stiffness in his movements and the pain and exhaustion in his eyes; then again, maybe she hadn't.

She followed him back through Central Park without speaking; the Doctor kept giving her guilty sideways glances, like he was expecting her to raise a fuss about being taken home. Martha was desperately trying to find some way of convincing the Doctor not to send her home , some way of convincing him he needed her, but she wasn't going to say anything until she was certain it would be enough.

The Doctor fumbled for his key when they reached the Tardis then he paused and gave Martha a long, serious look. "Martha, I'm sorry, I know this is-I shouldn't have...Oh, never mind."

Martha stared after him as he disappeared into the Tardis.

* * *

"Martha! Come on, I'm taking us back into the Vortex!" The Doctor knew he didn't have much time. He was exhausted, both physically and mentally and though he didn't usually sleep this was one of the few times when he would have to. He preferred to be safe in the Time Vortex when that happened.

Martha poked her head around the door. "Are you sure you should be flying?"

The Doctor would have rolled his eyes if his head didn't feel like it was about to explode. "Probably not," he admitted. "I'll take off, then put her on auto-pilot for a few hours so we can get some sleep."

Martha looked skeptical, but she entered the Tardis and closed the door behind her. The Doctor gave as bright a grin as he could manage and set about dematerializing the Tardis. When they were safely in the vortex he sighed and relaxed marginally.

"Right then, 'night Martha."

She smiled, picked up a book and settled down in his chair. "Good night Doctor."

The Doctor stumbled off to find his room, and hopefully not his nightmares.

* * *

Martha was beyond concerned no, in fact, it was safe to say she was on the verge of panic. Something was very wrong with the Tardis, and the Doctor wouldn't wake up. She shook his shoulder frantically, but only succeeded in pushing him off his bed onto the floor.

"Come on, Doctor! I need you!" the Tardis shuddered around her and she was very glad they were in the Time Vortex where there was nothing to crash into...at least, she hoped there was nothing to crash into.

Finally giving up on waking the Doctor she ran back to the Control Room, desperately hoping there would to a big red button that said 'Emergency Landing', unfortunately there was not. There was, however, a nearly life sized semi transparent hologram of the Doctor flickering above the console.

"This is Emergency Protocol Five, if this program has activated I'm either dead, really hope I didn't trip over a brick, or, I'm currently unavailable. The Tardis is programed to take you home. Rose, I just want you to remember, no matter what happened or what is about to happen, I chose you, Rose Tyler, and you were truly brilliant!" He smiled then, like Martha had never seen her Doctor smile, it was a real smile, so bright that it nearly dispelled the darkness in his eyes. Than the hologram flickered out of existence and Martha was left staring at the console in shock.

_Rose Tyler. _The way he said her name! His voice caressing every syllable, lingering over every sound. It was then Martha realized the truth. He had a friend, Rose Tyler, he lost her. _He loved her; he lost her. _

Martha stood alone in the trembling, shuddering Tardis, and felt a silent tear roll down her cheek as she thought of everything the Doctor had lost. Was it any wonder his eyes were so sad?

* * *

The Doctor was dreaming. Dreaming of apple grass and sunlight and a smiling blonde girl who held his hand, and together they ran through the universe, inseparable. The Doctor smiled in his sleep and his consciousness retreated farther into his dreams, sheltering from a world without Rose Tyler; reliving the love and happiness she had brought him, and completely unaware of the shuddering, crashing Tardis around him.

_**Sooo...Please don't kill me!**_

_**What did everyone think of the 50th Anniversary Special? You could always let me know by adding it to your review. Leaves more cookies...What are you talking about? Me Bribe you? Never!**_


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